- June 28, 2017
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5 Useful Machines that Terrify Ordinary People
When you work with heavy machinery every day, it’s easy to lose sight of how monstrous your equipment may appear to the unacquainted. To you, your machines are useful tools that make your workday more productive. But for the imaginative public, who have no idea what they actually do, massive machines with blades, mechanical arms, crushers and other attachments can look like the otherworldly minions of a mechanised hell.
Since you’re used to seeing these machines for what they are, here’s a rundown of what you think vs what the general public thinks of the equipment you use every day.
You see: useful farm implement
Just one of many harvesting tools for the farmer’s arsenal, the forage harvester turns grass, corn and any other plants you choose into perfectly-sized chunks for silo or silage bag storage. There are compact, budget varieties that pull behind your tractor, front end attachments (like the Class Forage Harvester pictured above), and standalone machines.
They see: zombie killing machines
Harvesters are just all teeth to a non-farming human and the first thing that crosses their mind is “that’d be damn useful in a zombie apocalypse.” In fact, if you google “zombie killing machine” the first picture you’ll see is a harvester.
You see: the quickest way to dig a trench
Trenchers come in all varieties from the larger tracked rigs, like the Vermeer above, to small walk-behind models. They’re used across all industries—from farming to construction, landscaping to mining—and if you’ve ever had to dig a trench the old fashioned way, you’ll have solid levels of appreciation for their efficiency.
They see: “Texas Chainsaw Massacre 12: Rise of the Machines”
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise has kind of ruined the general public for chainsaws. Make a giant one and attach it to a machine and those who’ve never dug a trench in their lives are irreparably horrified, regardless of how useful it is.
#3: Rock saws
You see: the easiest way to cut through rock, concrete and bitumen
Rock saws come in many sizes and configurations, depending on the industry you’re working in and the job you’re putting them to. Among other things, they’re capable of digging precision trenches in solid rock; a task no jackhammer could achieve.
They see: the merciless blades of death
Saws of all sizes appear in the goriest of horror games, from Resident Evil to Silent Hill. And the size of the blades used in mining and construction machines is mind-blowing for gamers who’ve battled bad guys wielding them but never operated one in real life.
#4: Tree shear
You see: perfect attachment for forestry work
Tree shears are a valuable addition to your arsenal of attachments with the ability to fell trees and downsize logs, trees stumps and sleepers.
They see: giant mechanical t-rex
To your everyday human, tree shears look for all the world like giant mechanical dinosaurs chewing through logs like they’re marshmallows.
#5: Longwall mining machines
You see: efficiency
The continuous miners that work in longwall mining operations provide a constant flow of ore from the coal face. For the CSIRO, who have created an automation system for longwall mining machines that has been adopted by most underground Aussie mines, the endless sweeping action of a continuous mining machine has all the grace of a well choreographed dance.
They see: cheesy nineties horror movies
For an everyday human, however, the earth-munching mechanical monsters stir up flashbacks of a post-flashdance Kevin Bacon running, horse riding and pole-vaulting for his life while being hunted by subterranean monsters.